Over the last couple of years I’ve been on this search. I often don’t know what it is I’m looking for. Sometimes it’s figuring what I’m doing, sometimes an escape route and sometimes a sense of liberation.
It’s a feeling like there’s something incomplete in my life. Something constantly tugging at my mind to come looking for it. It’s like there is something hidden deep within the layers of my mind or my existence but I’m unable to dig it out of there.
I try to comfort myself. I think…. it’s just that time when you are trying to find yourself. You try out new things, most often than not they don’t work and you try again until you find it. I don’t know if I have yet. I don’t think so.
It maybe social conditioning as well. In our highly consumer driven societies, we’re conditioned to always want more than we have. Maybe the same thing has morphed into this search for me.
Or maybe its some unfinished business from my past life.
The funny thing is that I sometimes wish that I could just have some sort of vision or something that will let me know what it is that I’m looking for. It’s like a big surprise that I know is coming but I just cant wait for it and want to know what it is now. Is my whole life going to be like this? It’s a scary thought because off late I rarely find myself being happy.
Or who knows, maybe I’m just wired this way.
And I wonder what will happen when I actually find that thing I’m searching for. Then what? Will I still be unhappy?
They say the grass is greener on the other side. To that someone once said in a movie, “I stay on both sides. That way the grass is always green”
I think it all boils down to the eternal search of happiness...long lost happiness..
Too good!!
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